Understanding who you are and finding your soul mate

I psyched myself up for about three months to confront him. 'Tell me. I said, do you want to be in a relationship with me?' and he confirmed my worst fears. 'I dont love you and I can never love you',He replied. I remembered he started to babble trying to spare my feelings and saying something ridiculous like 'we are like water and oil, we could never be one... but its not you, its just how things are'.

I was surprised, not in the bullshit that he said but in the fact that I remained calm. I guess thats when I realized the answer to my question was the one I expected. I knew months before I asked him, what the answer would be and I was ready to face the reality of the predicament of my relationship.

We are all guilty of ignoring the truth saying this like 'do you want out?' or 'I feel that I am the only one in this reltionship'. I truly believe in your heart of hearts you are saying 'I know you want out but...' or ' I know I am the only one trying in this relationship but...'. We are constantly trying to justify why we settle for people who arent for us because we may feel incapable to be loved. We do not believe that there is a special person who was destined and ordained for us. We may feel that we are not worthy to have what we want so we settle for something that we are undeserving of.

Leading psychologists argues that people who possess the above characteristics are fearful of being lonely. I think alot of people who have this problem is fearful of being alone rather than being lonely. Society make us feel that if we are single something is wrong with us. I say unless we dare to be alone and form a relationship with ourselves, finding out the type of person we are, who we are attracted to and what our fears are then we are not ready to be in a relationship.

Often times when relationships are broken down is because a party went into that relationship broken without being healed and other times its when a party has not discover who they are as a person, so they are incapable of contributing anything to the relationship.

Years later, about seven years to be precise. I have underwent a complete personality make-over. I was able to love who I am, accepting the flaws that I cant change and changing the ones that I can, thats when I met him again. He said some other bullshit like 'I was going through a selfish phase, I was not ready to share my life'. I smiled because I realized that years of delayed anger and resentment for this guy instantly diminishes and I became a whole being. 'You gave me all that you could have; you gave me the truth, I said ' Ive learnt that it will take a while for the man who can love me to get here but patience is not easily attain, I dare not to give up on him though'.

Learning who you are and accepting the truth is the core of finding your soul mate. I guarantee that if you decide to take the journey of self re- definition, the journey of finding the person within and healing... truly healing from the hurt of the past you can face your next relationship with a brighter prospect.

Finally, insecurities, fear of incapabilties and the fear of the unknowns all touch our lives but the ones who are happier than others are those who understand the root of theirs. When we can understand our phobias in our lives we can get rid of it and when we do;we are ready to meet our soul mate.